Out of the Dark
I can’t tell if I’m cautious or jaded. I made a bold move in my life and everything, thus far, is working seamlessly. From the start, it all came together. The pieces fell into each other in a comfortable ease, every little corner matching up with the cut of its match. It doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t seem as if my life could go this well. I’ve always been a...
One mind, two mountains.
I’m starting to think my inability to understand how I feel stems from not pulling the jumbled mess apart. When all my different emotions fall into each other, I try to climb the mountain in one sprint instead of stopping at each ledge. I need to stop seeing it as a solid mass and start recognizing it for it’s components. Stop, marvel at the beautiful complexity of it all, breathe...
I’m lonely for no one. I have no one in mind when I want to feel another’s skin, I have no face to paste onto the phantom that pushes back my hair to get a better look at my eyes. He is nothing, he is an ideal. He is simply someone who is not there. I can feel the empty impression in my bed, the curves of my body where his should compliment, but I cannot feel who he is. Can it...
Is that a cactus?
When I moved, the details weren’t in focus. I could see the picture, understand the basic shapes and makes of what was in the frame, but there wasn’t time to stop and evaluate. Time was taken up by finding roommates, a house, furniture, a job - the every day menial tasks that consist of rebuilding your life. I knew I had moved to Texas. I knew I had gone somewhere completely...
So? Do it.
Maybe you’ve just gotta keep going, ya know? Maybe despite all of the self doubt and rigorous dissonance, you’ve just gotta go. Fuck it all. Fuck your “could I?”, fuck your “would I?”, definitely fuck your “I can’t,” and just. keeping. going. Of course, it does take a certain finesse. And the only way to harness that finesse is to have...