I’m lonely for no one.
I have no one in mind when I want to feel another’s skin,
I have no face to paste onto the phantom that pushes back my hair
to get a better look at my eyes.
He is nothing, he is an ideal. He is simply someone who is not there.
I can feel the empty impression in my bed, the curves of my body where his should compliment, but I cannot feel who he is.
Can it be loneliness when there is no one to long for?
Perhaps I should count it as forward progression, a step towards feeling confident in myself. I’m not quite sure. All I know is I have this profound sense of hollow ringing in my stomach and no cure. If I knew how to satisfy an invisible itch I would, but I don’t know where to scratch.
I’m restless and I feel like I’m not moving.
The only place to step is forward and the only way to look ahead. There is no past for me to look to, and the stepping stones only lead back to places I’ve been - places I already know.
I’m lonely for no one and moving towards the unknown.